HOW TO HANDLE TOXIC PEOPLE IN THE WORKPLACE

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Have you ever come across someone or individuals who are either complaining or gossiping or backbiting or unnecessarily fighting with you and others? It can occur anywhere, including your home, place of employment, and marketplace. In other words, these individuals consistently exude negative vibes that make every situation toxic. In such cases, situations can get out of your control if you are unable to manage them. Here we will discuss how to handle toxic people in the workplace and maintain harmony in all situations.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY TOXIC PEOPLE?

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The term ‘toxic’ in general means poisonous, detrimental or damaging. According to circumstances, the term is used to refer to physical substances, financial assets or human behaviour.

When a person’s repeated unjustifiable and problematic behaviour intimidates or weakens one’s emotional security to a significant extent, then such behaviour is generally termed ‘toxic’.

Toxic people are those whose persistent specific behavioural tendencies cause an inferiority complex, lack of confidence and emotional insecurity in you whenever you encounter them. Their constant criticism, opinions, manipulation, blame game, gossip, disrespect, unpredictable emotional outbursts and rude behaviour generate an extreme negative atmosphere resulting in stress, confusion, anxiety, depression and worsening of mental and even physical health.

In many cases, such behavioural tendencies are embedded in their personality. Otherwise, these problematic tendencies are an outcome of their negative upbringing and life experiences.

HOW CAN WE IDENTIFY TOXIC PEOPLE IN THE WORKPLACE?

By observing people intently, we will perceive certain behavioural tendencies that can help us identify toxic people.

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1. Unexplained Mood Swings: Toxic people seemingly exhibit frequent volatile mood changes without any possible reason. These unexplained mood swings range from being overly happy, affectionate and adorable at one time to violent, forbidding, scornful and accusatory at the next moment, which completely makes you disconcerted and taken aback.

These mood swings are nothing but their instruments to keep you off-guard and engage you in guesswork as you will try to find reasons behind this kind of mood shift and at times you may even ponder the thought of your involvement in it unknowingly.

Example: Yesterday, your colleague seemed very cooperative and was communicating with you a lot regarding an important project in which you were both assigned to. This morning, he has stopped interacting with you and is giving you cold stares whenever you are communicating with him. This sudden change has left you stunned and confused.

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2. Manipulative: Toxic people use manipulation as a psychological technique to dominate you so that they can control your behaviour, opinions, thoughts and emotions for the sake of their own benefit.

Manipulative tendencies include telling fabricated emotional stories, constantly lying, exaggerating facts, and omitting some portions of or the entire information that compels you to take certain measures or have a definite opinion about them.

Toxic people will use your empathy to draw out your positive spirit and fill you with guilt and self-doubt. People who are toxic are so cunning that they don’t care to harm others in order to benefit themselves.

Example: You had a conflict with your colleague regarding an important project you both were assigned to. Your boss replaced him as he was creating a ruckus instead of admitting his mistake. Later he kept telling others that you brainwashed your boss to oust him from the project.

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3. Unapologetic: Toxic people are an unapologetic bunch of people who never take accountability for their misdeeds, such as behaving rudely with you or accusing you of thinking negatively about them without any reason.

Even if you somehow prove that they are misbehaving unnecessarily, they will either put the entire blame on you or will tag you as an oversensitive person.

Moreover, toxic people use gaslighting techniques that will make you doubt yourself about your opinions.

Example: In the earlier example, we can see that during the conflict, your colleague didn’t admit his mistake. Instead of apologizing to you, he put the entire blame on you and created a scene. That’s when your boss intervened.

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4. Unreliable: It’s not an easy task to determine toxic people, as they are highly unreliable. Keeping promises or following commitments are the traits you should never expect from toxic people.

They always keep you in the dark, as you are unable to understand whether they are taking you seriously or not, or, in other words, you fail to understand your position in their lives.

When confronted, toxic people may misrepresent you as insane, bothersome, or they may blame you to avoid taking responsibility for their errors.    

Example: A meeting was fixed at the office of a major client of your company, where you and your colleague were supposed to attend as representatives before your office timings.

According to your plan, you reached the client’s place on time but were waiting on the road for your colleague. He reached forty-five minutes late.

All this while when you called him, he didn’t pick up the phone, and when he did, he said that he would be reaching within two minutes as he was getting down from the bus but reached fifteen minutes later.

Your client was upset due to your late arrival, which created a bad reputation. When your boss confronted both of you, your colleague was refusing to take accountability and instead tried pointing out your fault.

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5. Attention Seeking: Toxic people need everyone’s attention all the time. They will call you, text you and visit your place any time without considering your schedule.

They behave overly emotional and get histrionic and melodramatic in any situation to seek your emotional support.

However, when you are in need of support, toxic people suddenly become self-absorbed. This kind of behaviour can be related to narcissistic tendencies.

Example: After your boss ousted your colleague from the project and slapped him with a demotion due to his negligence, he started playing the victim card by telling others that you brainwashed your boss to hide your mistakes and made him a scapegoat.

He continuously sobbed while narrating how his family, financial troubles and your enmity had ruined his life.

He added a dramatic tone to make it look real. In this way he tried to seek attention and emotional support from others.

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6. Credit Stealing: Toxic people have a tendency to take credit for other people’s hard-earned work.

It stems from their deep-rooted insecurity and fear of exposure of their incapabilities and the privileges they are earning for doing nothing.

This kind of behaviour, which is a hallmark nature of toxic people, is often termed ‘credit-stealing’. By stealing their peers’ work and exploiting them, they try to develop their own reputation.

Example: Your colleague easily bypassed your contributions and ideas as his own after the successful completion of the project while giving a speech at the success party.

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7. Jealous: As toxic people are highly insecure and doubt their abilities, they generally possess malicious envy if they notice positive things happening in your life or if others appreciate and admire you. Your happiness saddens them, such self-centred creatures they are.

Example: You finally passed your CA examinations after failing five times as you were doing a job. While everybody congratulated you at the office, one of your seniors taunted you by saying, “Congrats, dear. However, it took you an exceptionally long time to be eligible.”

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8. Intrusive: Toxic people just can’t restrain themselves from intruding on your personal space.

It can sometimes go to the length of trespassing based on their intentions and enthusiasm.

They disregard your right to privacy and distort your narratives in order to damage your reputation in social circles and gossip behind your back.

Example: You were having disagreements with your brother over buying a new property.

It was a property which you wanted to buy, and your brother, being older than you, was giving a word of caution, which you were disagreeing with.

Your colleague overheard it partly, made assumptions, added some spice and presented a whole new story to the entire staff of your office. “See how a simple property can turn siblings against each other.”

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9. Angry and Complaining:  These traits are quite common among toxic people. They blast in anger and complain in mere confrontations to maintain their public image and ego, as sudden explosive behaviour diverts you from finding their inabilities and negativities.

They find it very convenient to make you accountable for their mistakes and trigger guilty feelings in you.

Keeping a clean image is their top priority, as toxic people shy away from taking accountability for their mistakes.

Example: To divert your boss’s attention from him, your colleague yelled at you explosively and put the entire blame on you, a major mistake which was caused due to his overconfidence and negligence.

Although your boss was intelligent enough to spot the real nuisance maker.

THE STRATEGIES TO HANDLE TOXIC PEOPLE IN THE WORKPLACE

It’s extremely difficult to get along with toxic people in everyday life. First and foremost, identify these toxic traits and adopt certain strategies by which you will be able to handle toxic people in the workplace.

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1. Avoid Being Overwhelmed: Toxic individuals always behave like those unfortunate souls that appear to be explosive, irritated, and resentful of everything and everyone, including you.

Life appears to be dark and gloomy whenever you are with them.

So don’t get overwhelmed after hearing their sad tales, as these are all their manipulative tactics.

Example: Your junior at the office is a forever crybaby. Be it a personal or a professional matter, he complains without fail in an attempt to gain sympathy and favour from you instead of being serious about his official responsibilities.

So, suppress your feelings and answer with,”Oh! I genuinely feel sorry for you. Immerse yourself in work more. You’ll feel happy.”

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2. Refrain From Influencing Their Reality: A very common trait of toxic people is to play the victim card. Their flaws frequently lead to problems at work, which they try to hide by blaming others and presenting a positive image of themselves.

You may smile and nod in a bid to avoid further dispute and maintain harmony.

But your approval of such drama is actually showing your support for their nonsense. Thus, refrain yourself from influencing their activities.

Example: Your colleague was putting the entire blame for the failure of a new project’s presentation on his junior. He was shouting at him in a theatrical manner because the presentation missed crucial information and didn’t look credible.

The junior who made the PPT had asked for the required information beforehand. But your colleague, being too overconfident, failed to provide him with the information.

As a result, during the meeting your colleague failed to impress the other company heads with his presentation. You knew the situation since you were also a part of that team.

So, if your colleague starts a conversation with you regarding this matter, tell him calmly, “Sorry, I can’t agree with you on this matter, as I have witnessed everything myself.”

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3. Keep Senses Active: You must keep your senses active to determine how the toxic people are making you feel. Are you getting frustrated or angry or getting depressed after spending time with them?

You must also learn to differentiate between toxic behaviour and the occasional rude behaviour when someone is going through physical stress or emotional strain. Notice whether you are facing this kind of behaviour occasionally or frequently.

Identify the individuals responsible for this behaviour and take appropriate action. People who are always exuding negative vibes are the ones with toxic traits.

Example: At your workplace, you may find some staff who are in the mood to skip their work responsibilities almost every day. They are sure that someone will do the work on their behalf.

Further, they blame others for their mistakes, do manipulation, gossip behind your back, scream at you or fight with you most of the time regarding petty issues, and, in turn, ruin your day.

Identify them by keeping your senses active because they belong to the toxic group. Take necessary actions against them. People who are rude to you or verbally abuse you occasionally generally do not belong to the toxic group.

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4. Make Yourself First Priority: When you are with toxic people, it’s not necessary that you encounter brutal or offensive behaviour. It doesn’t have to be vengeful every time.

However, other types of behavioural tendencies are quite destructive too. Many times, toxic people say that they are in urgent need of your support whenever you meet them.

Their lives seem to be in some kind of grave trouble continuously. They take your help each time but, in return, never offer you any assistance when you need it desperately.

The toxic people only expect to receive everything from you, including their mental stability. You might value your relationship with them but not at the cost of your well-being.

In healthy relationships when you offer help, expect to receive help when you need it. Remember that your top priority is yourself.

Example: In your workplace during lunchtime, eat your food mindfully and listen to some good music with your headphones on so that you return to your work with full enthusiasm.

If this particular colleague of your office or those who only expect to receive support from you come and bother you during lunchtime, tell them, “Yes, wait; I’m coming after lunch.”

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5. Set Your Boundaries: Define your boundaries in your workplace when you are around toxic co-workers by clearly setting forth your limits to remain protected from negative vibes and unnecessary drama.

You should specifically tell them what you can tolerate and what you can’t. Even verbal abuse and gossiping are strict no-nos for you.

Apply the ‘Grey Rock’ technique by appearing distant and aloof as much as you can. Reply to them briefly and factually so that the toxic people lose interest in you.

Stop replying to their texts and calls after working hours and during lunchtime to maintain your peace.

Example: When your colleague tries to drag you into gossipmongering about another staff member, say calmly without much facial expression, “I have to prepare for tomorrow’s meeting; see you.” Or you can put on your headphones, or you can simply leave the place.

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6. Be Compassionate Without Attempting to Alter: Being a good human means you should have humanity in you as well. Try to be compassionate and practice empathy by understanding the pain of toxic people due to deep-seated underlying factors in some cases while keeping your boundaries intact.

It doesn’t mean that every toxic person has such painful reasons behind their behaviour.

So, it means your acceptance of years of mistreatment they had faced but not your acceptance of their toxic behaviours. Remember, you are not their therapist and thus don’t attempt to alter their toxic behaviour.

Example: Your co-worker has become very bitter recently as he is going through a tough divorce battle with his wife. Being assigned to the same projects mostly, you are having a challenging time since he is behaving quite toxically, like, blaming you when you are facing issues in work, trying to belittle your contributions and acting rudely with you.

During such times, keeping his difficult times in mind and simultaneously protecting your boundaries, tell him, “Hello, calm down and don’t act sarcastically now. We both are under tremendous pressure to complete this project successfully within the stipulated time. Let’s not lose your focus, please.”

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7. You Are Not to Blame: Toxic people, in no circumstances, take accountability for their mistakes and, instead, put the entire blame on others.

If they distort your words or hold you responsible for harming them or hurting them by attempting to get on a personal level, never ever doubt your intentions or actions and blame yourself.

No matter how good your conduct is with them, at the end of the day, they will always blame you for mistakes which you have never committed. Remember, positive people blame themselves for their errors, not others.

Example: Whenever your toxic coworkers are shrugging off their faults and holding you responsible for it, don’t even doubt yourself for once and point out their mistakes to their face in that instant. But never take these accusations personally and remain calm.

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8. Remain Inaccessible: Toxic people never cease the habit of searching for their targets to exploit. They are experts in choosing people whom they can easily manipulate.

But toxic people lose interest once they understand that you are totally inaccessible. You might get to hear some remarks from them indirectly in a vindictive way when you make yourself unavailable but refrain from retaliation.

Example: You have ample excuses to give at your workplace when your toxic co-workers are acting manipulative with you, like, “I have a lot of work at my desk” or “I’m going to my cabin. I have to keep the files ready since Sir can ask for them any time.”

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9. Spend Less Time Together:  Spending time with toxic people is often frightening since they blame you for no reason, always undermining your emotions.

One of the best ways to keep your stress and anxiety at bay is to spend less time with toxic people. This way you will maintain peace in your life.

Example: Apart from official work, you simply don’t engage yourself in any kind of interactions with your colleague who is super manipulative. You spend your time working at your desk and dealing with other staff.

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10. Have a Support System: Tackling toxic people every day is not a joke. It requires quite a bit of inner strength and determination to endure their negativity every day.

So, you should have a proper support system to be a source of solace and encouragement, like your parents and family and close friends.

You may also find some strangers who are full of positive vibes and may uplift you to your surprise.

Example: When you are being subjected to the exploitation of your particular jealous co-worker, talking to parents about it gives you so much peace. The piece of advice they give you during the conversation at times shows you light at the end of the tunnel.

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  11. Have Self-Love: The more toxicity, the more hell your life becomes. So have some self-love. Life is not always working and dealing with toxic coworkers, either.

Life is also about proving to yourself that you are a pillar of strength and can accomplish any work, in any circumstance.

For that, you should be physically and mentally fit. So, you need to find time for yourself and follow healthy habits.

Example:

i.         Go for walks

ii.         Join a gym or group workout studio

iii.         Join a yoga class

iv.         Do Meditation

v.         Pursue any hobby like painting, music, dance, sculpting, cooking, gardening, etc.

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12. Make an Exit Plan: If ever your workplace feels like a toxic hub surrounded by mostly toxic co-workers, it’s time to find an exit plan.

Working in a toxic environment for long hours is not at all good for your mental health and your overall professional growth.

However, you need to make this plan by taking into consideration your financial security. The longer you stay in a toxic workplace, the more disillusioned you get about your perception of a normal work environment. Stop reacting emotionally, develop a well-planned exit strategy and execute it calmly.

After all, you have a peaceful personal life at home, which gets disrupted if you bring anxiety and stress from your workplace. Always keep in mind that an untroubled work environment will take you to greater heights in your professional life than sulking in a toxic workplace.

Example:

i. Firstly, in your toxic workplace, apply the ‘Grey Rock Technique’ by giving short, fact-based and neutral replies and simultaneously keep your expressions blank to your toxic co-workers.

ii. Don’t be emotionally upset with their manipulative tactics. Document all the unprofessional incidents with date and time and clear information on your personal device only.

iii. Review your employment contract and go through your policies regarding accumulated leaves, notice period lengths and bonus payouts.

iv. Try to set aside three to six months of living expenses so that you are confident enough to exit.

v. Post your updated resume on LinkedIn and other job sites, and if possible, block your toxic colleagues from seeing your profile updates on job sites.

vi. Search for new jobs. Take advice from your mentors, seniors, former co-workers and industry connections whom you trust. During your conversations with them, never mention the toxic environment of your office, which is compelling you to quit.

vii. When the interviewer asks for your reason to leave the current job, you can say, “I take pride in fulfilling my duties in my current designation. Now I’m seeking growth and searching for new challenges to broaden my knowledge and skills.”

viii. When you are going for interviews, try to find out the cultural red flags of those companies by asking target questions like, “How is the communication handled by the team after business hours?” in order to understand the work-life balance of the company, or ask, “Why is there a vacancy in this position?” to understand the accountability and employee turnover of the business.”

ix. Hand over a standard resignation letter mentioning the final date. You don’t require presenting a detailed explanation of your grievances.

x. Put in a lot of effort in your final weeks, wrap up your work and hand over the paperwork so that they can’t ruin your final paycheque or references.

xi. If your HR arranges a sit-down, you must ensure to make it light and brief. It’s always better to keep your exit interview neutral since unnecessary venting might damage your reputation unintentionally, as malicious office environments hardly change based on exit environments.

CONCLUSION

You can never cut off toxic people completely from your life. Like the sun and moon, toxic people are constant and will keep appearing at various stages, no matter what precautions you take. At your workplace, you work with different kinds of people. Among them, some are positive and inspirational while some are extremely negative or toxic. But you have to deal with everyone, anyhow. It’s your career; it’s your life, and this is how you will be accomplishing greater milestones in life. Some mere toxic people can’t stop you from achieving what you deserve. So don’t sit back and sulk. Adopt these strategies and win your battles.