Like all other relationships, romantic relationships have their own share of ups and downs. In their journey of togetherness, the couple many times faces misunderstandings, conflicts, rage, annoyance, displeasure, frustration and hurt that erupt like a volcano all of a sudden in their lives. If not being aware or unable to tackle the situation, things take a downward spiral.
So, mindfulness is an essential component in successful romantic relationships. Let’s explore why mindfulness is important in romantic relationships and the steps couples can adopt to become more mindful and maintain the spark and harmony in their love lives.
Talking about mindfulness, we must first understand what mindfulness means in general. Mindfulness is the state of being fully aware of what is happening around you, paying close attention to your daily and current experiences with an open, welcoming, inquisitive and non-judgmental attitude.
Being mindful means always observing your experiences and happenings and not reacting to your thoughts and emotions immediately that come as an outcome of these observations. It’s rather acknowledging the emotions calmly without criticizing.
For example, at the office, your boss, under extreme pressure to finish a project within a deadline, shouts at you unnecessarily or has given you some work related to the project just before you are leaving. What would you do as a mindful person in that situation?
Firstly, you wouldn’t react angrily. Instead, you would try to understand his mental condition. Manage the situation by maintaining your composure. Assist him by doing extra work but at the same time not draining yourself by working beyond your capacity.
Mindfulness is one of the important factors leading to a promising, healthy and successful relationship. Mindfulness in romantic relationships means perceiving the facial expressions, gestures, body language, emotions and thoughts of your partner and accepting it without getting judgmental.
As a result, the couples can understand one another better and sail through difficult times as a team with their gradually developing adjustment skills. It spreads positivity that increases intimacy between the couples.
THE BENEFITS OF PRACTICING MINDFULNESS IN RELATIONSHIPS
There are several benefits of practicing mindfulness in relationships:
Increased Sense of Gratitude- It increases your sense of gratitude, which you express on a daily basis for everything, whether small or big, your partner is doing for you. It can be immense mental support during your tough times, covering your medical bills, buying your favourite chocolate, or helping you in the kitchen.
Become More Compassionate- The practice of mindfulness makes us kinder and more empathetic towards our partner and, more precisely, all our loving relationships, e.g., family, relatives and close friends. Sharing compassionate feelings for each other makes us feel more loved.
Better Understanding- Better sense of understanding prevails in couples who practice mindfulness. This is so because they are aware of each other’s childhood, background, past incidents and more. Thus, they can understand their partner’s opinions, beliefs, thoughts and reactions in any given situation.
Controlled Reaction- With better understanding comes controlled reaction. Instead of exhibiting arrogance or anger in a tense or heated situation, you would rather react calmly with your partner or any other person with the daily practice of mindfulness.
Improved Control over Emotion- Mindfulness gives you the realization of your reality, i.e., the well-being of you and your partner and other close relationships is of utmost importance to you, which can be negatively impacted if you are unable to control your emotions. So, you become more grounded, avoid giving reactions and communicate clearly.
Encourage Tough Talks- Being mindful, you encourage any kind of conversations, no matter how difficult they are. We develop our ability to listen to our partner with an open mind, understand their perception and communicate straightforwardly.
Less Stress- The practice of mindfulness among couples reduces stress to a great level at home as they perceive each other easily. Thus, peace and happiness prevail at home.
Better Acceptance Power- Mindfulness improves your acceptance power. It makes you aware of your partner’s nature, background and past and accept them wholeheartedly. It strengthens your love life.
WHAT KEEPS US FROM BEING MINDFUL IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS?
There are some factors that prevent the couples from being mindful in their relationships:
Ego-centric mentality: Thinking about your own self and feelings regardless of the emotions and desires of your partner.
For example, whenever your wife requests you to come and join the celebrations organized by her parents at their home, you purposefully turn down her requests by giving excuses of meetings and appointments at the office. As a result, she may feel hurt, invisible and left out.
Excessive Pride: Excessive pride in romantic relationships can have a negative impact on couples. Your inability to apologize and adjust can cause problems with your partner.
For example,after a fight with your partner, which erupted due to your fault, if you can’t say a simple sorry, your excessive pride is preventing you from doing so.
Again, not helping your partner with household chores during your free time is also another form of expressing superiority in the relationship.
Inability to express your needs and emotions to your partner in the fear of presenting yourself as weak or dependent is another instance of excessive pride, which will gradually make you distant from your partner.
Unsupportive Attitude: Not being a support system for your partner in adverse situations and tough times is also a cause of lack of mindfulness in your relationship.
For example, your husband is fearing losing his job due to office politics and is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. But you, instead of calming him down and giving him mental strength, are going to parties and busy in your own world. This makes him feel that he is least important in your life.
Inability to Compromise: Being unable to compromise a little when required to maintain peace at home is a complete red flag in a relationship that prevents mindfulness in relationships.
For example, your husband has recently been going through a very bad mood due to unbearable work pressure at the office. Thereby he gets irritated and starts fighting with you on petty issues. You, being unwilling to compromise, keep on fighting without backing out in order to win the fight.
THE STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO MAINTAINING MINDFULNESS IN RELATIONSHIPS
There are some methods that the couples can adopt to practice mindfulness in their relationships:
Active Listening- Active listening is very important in any relationship. During a conversation with your partner, listen to what your partner has to say first rather than getting restless to say what is in your mind. Continue listening until you understand their viewpoint. Give your partner a sense of worth and inclusion.
Open Conversations- Have open and honest conversations with your partner. Show your eagerness to know many new facts in their everyday life. Give advice if your partner asks for it. Take your partner’s opinion about your various activities and ask for their advice if you need one. It builds a strong and authentic foundation for your relationship.
Put Away Your Phone- When the two of you are spending some exclusive time at home or out for a special lunch or dinner, don’t take calls unless it’s very important. Stop checking emails and messages frequently during this time. This time is only for you two, so enjoy.
Express Gratitude- Express gratitude and be grateful whenever your partner makes you happy, gives you mental support during tough times, encourages you to do better at work and boosts up your confidence when you are not sure about your abilities. Tell your partner, “There can’t be a better life partner for me other than you.”
Calm Response- When facing difficulties together, don’t get furious and lose your composure. Be calm, think rationally and respond to your problems in an intelligent manner.
A Tight Hug: A tight hug at the end of the day gives your partner a sense of protection in your arms. You both will enjoy the feel of being loved that will make your bond stronger.
Practice Silence: You both don’t have to talk always when you are spending time together. Many times, in silence, you can feel each other’s presence by looking into each other’s eyes for a few minutes, which raises the oxytocin level in your body, making you feel the strong connection of mutual love you share. Mindfully touching each other during this time escalates the feeling.
Similarly, both of you can practice deep breathing together in silence for some time, i.e., deep inhalation and exhalation will de-stress your mind and body and fill you with renewed energy to fight your challenges.
Caring- Care for your partner in every possible way, like taking care of their meals, accompanying them for a regular doctor’s check-up, or looking after them when they are sick. Cooking their favourite foods or buying those meaningful gifts that otherwise look simple to others but hold a special place in your partner’s heart. This way you can become mindful of each other’s needs that strengthens your relationship.
Becoming Besties- Friendship is the base of a successful relationship. So, your partner is not your enemy and never ever treat them like one. Show empathy when they are suffering and make all the difficult conversations easier. Become besties first and then indulge in romantic love with your partner.
Mindful Speaking- During a conversation, be clear about what you want to convey to your partner. Be aware of the situation and then speak whatever you want to convey in a simple manner so that your partner can understand it easily. You must make your partner understand what result you are expecting from that conversation. Mindful speaking also involves remaining mindful of your emotions while engaged in a conversation with your partner.
Acceptance- Nobody in this world is flawless. So, accept the flaws of your partner wholeheartedly and the same goes for your partner. Accepting each other the way you are increases the understanding between you more.
Practice Self-Expansion- Expand your outlook towards the lives of humans as a whole, since humans are entwined in love and relationships. So, develop your sense of trust, love and connection to a broader level not only for your partner but for everyone with whom you are connected.
CONCLUSION
Mindfulness is an essential component of a sustaining romantic relationship. The practice of mindfulness increases your awareness, rational thinking, resilience and acceptance, resulting in a successful and loving relationship. So, by adopting the above strategies, the couples will easily sail through the complexities of life together with great positivity and peace.
Artistic soul 